i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
