Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
