Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
