OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
