she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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