is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
