We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
