I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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