Kiss
Puke
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
