Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
