A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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