my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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