But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
