i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
