I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
