HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
