But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
