you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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