I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
