I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
