Farmville is her only friend.
you didnt know i had herpes?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
