Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
