I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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