brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The beer is more important than you right now.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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