I skipped work to stalk him.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I stole a fireplace last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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