Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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