I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
