Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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