I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
