Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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