All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
