I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
