it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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