How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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