So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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