Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The air was thick with penises
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
