am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
