Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
