Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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