i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize