so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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