i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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