OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
