a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
