Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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