Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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