We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
