Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
