if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
