We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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